After his recent decision to trade Luka Dončić for Anthony Davis Harrison received major negative backlash, Nico Harrison called a press conference to clear up any misconceptions about the trade and reveal future trade decisions to the public. Before initiating the conversation, Harrison offered his $1,200 Golden 24 Karat American Wagyu Tomahawk Steak to a reporter in exchange for his notably unappealing turkey sandwich. When asked why he made such a ludicrous trade, he responded that “the steak was a bit too FATTY for my taste,” followed by him whispering under his breath “Luka” before promptly taking a bite of the sandwich.
Shortly after this, Harrison started to relay his future trading plans to reporters. After an already unimpressive show of critical thinking skills, Harrison had promised to make trades that would “Change the world of basketball as we know it.” It was here that Harrison revealed that he was now being switched over to being the Lakers GM alongside Luca, as a way to make up for his previous mistreatment of him. Shortly after this, he exclaimed that he would be willing to trade Lebron James for Paul George of the Philadelphia 76ers, or even quite possibly former BHSEC queens student Carlos Noel, who currently resides in Connecticut. When making his claim, he stated that he “Had to separate him from Bronny, as their familial bond would likely cause some distraction on the field.” The entire room burst into laughter, assuming that this was some sort of sick joke on Harrison’s behalf, which led him to assure reporters that he was dead serious. He was then escorted off the premises by every security guard in the area, and banned from being within 3 miles of any basketball court in the nation.
After being blacklisted from all NBA affiliated occupations, he was miraculously offered a position to be the CEO of Walt Disney studios. Harrison believes that the company’s characters were actively weighing down the company with their “fat little fatty fat Luka builds”, causing him to trade pop culture heavyweights Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, for pop culture lightweights Stuart LITTLE and Chicken LITTLE (capitalizations made as of request by Nico Harrison).
